Wow, hormones really suck sometimes. Going from 29 to menopause in a day can really take a lot out of you. This constant crying and stuff is hard. I’ve never been really emotional, but now cry so easily. The news makes me cry. I’m hoping this is a passing phase.
Today was actually a really good day! I wasn’t overtaken by anxiety or in any serious pain or discomfort. I think one of the sorest parts tonight was where I had the spinal anesthetic. Damn those things hurt afterwords! I actually had energy today. I had a long bath (ops! I know it’s a no no) and made real food for supper. I haven’t actually made a meal in months. It was nice to cook again. The kids were pretty tired and went to bed early and my husband and I watched Dexter all night! It was a really nice day for a change. Much better than spending it on the couch because my ovaries were screaming. If life continues to go well like this, I can see myself being happy despite my lack if reproductive system!
Wow, what a week. Thankfully, today was really good. Physically I felt well, and even made it out if the house and to town. I needed that. I’ve found my hormones are trying to kill me. It wasn’t something I was prepared for even slightly. Yesterday I felt hot, and terrified. It was an awful feeling. I’m really hoping things even out soon, as I really can’t deal with anxiety like that well. It makes me feel crippled in fear, with an ache in my chest. I don’t feel safe like that, especially when I’m alone.
I think this surgery has really done a number on my spirit. I often feel heart broken and sad, and can’t verbalize why. I know, despite my lack of a reproductive system, I’m still a woman. Even though I’m done my family, it’s still hard to shake all that what ifs.
I pray that others going through this find peace.
Today I got to come home. I’m so glad to be back. I’m glad I’ve been able to keep my pain under control and enjoy my time back.
Post op pain is a bit meh. It’s there, and it hurts. I know why, and I know it will take time. I just want to feel fucking better though! I want to play on the floor with my kids, and pick them up when they want held. I just want my endo/pain days to be done. I want this to be over. I want to go back to work. Work a full shift and not feel exhausted. Actually enjoy cooking again. I feel so close, yet so far away when I’m in bed, and can’t pick up my baby crying in the crib
Yup, I have no patient. I know. My husband knows. Come on 6 weeks. I want this to be over!!
The day I both longed for and dreaded finally arrived. Surgery went well for my surgeon. He was able to do everything as planned. I’m thankful that part was a breeze. I unfortunately woke up in recovery from a jolt of pain. It was awful. From what I recall, the nurse gave me every med available before transferring me to my room. The next two nurses helped, kinda. One nurse was rude, not really believing the pain. The other noticed right away and called doctors to get me on a pain pump. Since it was something not used in that unit (OB) they transferred me to the surgical floor. Nurses have been much better here. I had a pain pump my first day, second day and a bit of my third. Tomorrow (4) I get to go home. I’m still sore, but nothing like I was after surgery. That was pain I had never experienced before. I’m thankful this part is almost over, and I will be home with my family tomorrow!
That’s what I keep telling myself. Trying to look at the positives. I get to deal with iv alarms instead of teething babies at 1 am!
This morning I had my preop. Bright and early at 0745. I had to be up extra early which reinforced my belief that I should still be sleeping at that hour. Anyways, I’m glad to have that out of the way. I had to take all my medications along to have them all gone over and recorded. That was interesting. It made me feel like an addict of meds. It was seriously a huge list when all my prn medications and epipen are added. Thankful to have that part done. Just 1 more appointment with my family doc on Monday morning, and I’ll be ready for surgery! I can’t believe it’s 1 week away. It seems so far away, yet so close. I wish I had a bit more time to mentally prepare, and get the house clean. On the other hand, I just want it done so I can move on with life. I’m trying to stay on the bright side though. One more week till endo freedom!
Less than 10 days to go! Today was my day off. Carter had a doctor appointment at work, so we were in town shortly after 1:00. They had a great time running in the halls and seeing everyone. Poor Carter needs to see a dermatologist regarding his eczema. In the mean time, we just keep applying his rx cream morning and evening. Poor little guy:( on the bright side, being in town allowed us to go shopping. I for summer sandals ordered for each of the kids, And a cute pair for myself. We walked to the bank, the pharmacy and stores. It was great with such lovely weather. Since they were both up from teething last night, they slept from 4-5:30. By that time my husband should have been home from work to be with the kids since I had evening plans for the first time in forever. He wasn’t home, so I had to drop off the kids at their grandparents. I’m a bit pissed that he worked till 7:30 when I needed him home in time. Anyway, I was late to see my friend, but we had a great visit regardless. We did some shopping as the kids need new summer clothes. Baby Gap is definitely my addiction!! We had a fabulous supper with a much needed talk. She just got engaged and I’m so happy for her. She’s one of the few people that’s so understanding about my surgery. She lets me feel what I’m feeling instead of just saying Ill be fine and pain free after. In all honesty, I likely won’t be pain free. I am looking forward to just being semi pain free. I’m so thankful to have her as a friend. I so wish she loved closer so I could see her more often. She’s being interviewed for a new job tomorrow with much better hours! If anyone reads this, say a little prayer. If she gets this job, she’ll have regular hours instead of shift, plus weekends off! It would be great since we could see each other more as I don’t work weekends either. I’m so thankful to have her as a friend. She really is my rock.
Today was a good pain day!! I took my long acting as usual in the am, slept great till I had to get up, and had a good day at work. I was able to keep my pain in control throughout the day at work and take the kids to the park after supper! It was wonderful playing with them. Next time I need to remember to bring their ball. They had a blast on the swims, going down the slide, running after the big kids, and stealing their ball. Moments like that make me love being a mom. When we walked (yes, I went walking!!) home they got a bath while I did the front flower beds. The 4 neighbour girls wanted to help which was great! I was done weeding in record time, so brought the girls in to see the babies. They all ran around the kitchen screaming and playing. It was great! I’m now off to bed at a decent time. If I can fall asleep before 4, my day will have been close to perfect! Just needed to share incase anyone reads this. Having a day without excruciating pain is fantastic. I’m so glad the weather was nice so I could take full advantage of it!
Tonight during my hours of insomnia, I thought I would search menopause in Pinterest. Well, it turned into a gigantic fail. For the most part, all I found was the front of “humorous” greeting cards. They all joked about women becoming bitches, fat, wrinkled and riddled my horrendous hot flashes. There was 1 pin about a woman my age going through surgical menopause. It was depressing. I don’t find going through this transition funny. If I get one card joking about it, I may punch the card giver. Losing my fertility, bone mass and estrogen isn’t funny to me. I don’t understand why the subject is covered in insults. Menopause can often be a really hard time in a woman’s life. Why make fun of her for it? I’m not sure what I’m trying to get at with this really. I just needed to vent some frustration about the subject more than anything.
My endometriosis battle 